im having a threesome with these popsicles
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
