DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize