i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
