You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
