Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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