You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
