Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
