Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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