Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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