Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
