I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
