we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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