No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
