I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize