Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
im six kinds of drunk right now
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
