I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
