We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
My nipple is on Facebook.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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