Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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