do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
