sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
