I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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