I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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