Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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