its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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