My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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