I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
