So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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