I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize