The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
