you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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