I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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