Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
