Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
