hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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