We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
