How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
