none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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