Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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