can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
