You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
