i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
