I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
