I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
