real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I don't deserve a penis
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize