i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
