yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Four minutes until I can fart!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
my poor anus
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
