I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
