I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
