I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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