i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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