never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
