I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
