Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
two words: eviction party
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
