If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You pole danced in your parka.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
