dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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