real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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