haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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