Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
