threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
