areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize