Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
