I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
