Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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