On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
