I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Randomize
