i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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