i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
