So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
