i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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