we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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