so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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