I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i now understand why vodka
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize