A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
