We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
