i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
