yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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