Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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