Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
