are you still at the devil's house?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
