I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
